The Finer Points of Microwave Cuisine

Goodness! Has it been really been two weeks since I posted on this blog? That is horrendous. If it weren't for the fact that nobody actually reads this blog, I would start worrying about losing my readers. I think I need to throw up something quick and easy just so I don't forget that I actually have a blog that I need to update. Hey, did I say quick and easy? Why, that has a great deal to do with the subject of this blog post! What a thoughtful and clever writer I am! Kind of makes me wonder why nobody reads this.

Judging from my latest trip to the grocery store, it would appear that the frozen dinner industry is alive and well, pumping out microwave dishes for people short on time and money. As a grad student, I am short on both, so I am not too proud to say that I partake in frozen dinners from time to time. For the most part these dishes are severely lacking when it comes to quality, but surprisingly enough it is possible to pick out a good frozen dinner. After many hits and a staggering number of misses, I have come up with a few basic rules to help guide frozen food selection to ensure picking a good product.
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1. Don't Forget That It's Frozen
That picture on the box? Guess what, that ain't what you're buying. Funny how that works. Great advances have been made in the world of frozen dinner technology, but these people aren't miracle workers--so don't be fooled by grandiose claims of seared beef and gourmet vegetable medleys. In the end, this is a frozen dinner, and simplicity will rule the day. Things like macaroni and cheese or pasta with marinara sauce are old standbys that are usually your safest bet.

2. Noodles Are Your Friend
For some reason, pasta does very well in frozen dinners. Spaghetti, Beef Stroganoff, Fettucine Alfredo, all of these are safe bets in a frozen dinner. The same cannot be said for rice, though one would think that the same logic would apply. However, it does not, and rice tends to be hit-or-miss. When shopping for frozen dinners be on the lookout for dishes that feature some kind of noodles. If you are daring and in the mood for a crap-shoot, you can try rice.

3. Beef: Only When Absolutely Necessary
Typically meat does not do well in frozen dinners: chicken is rubbery and usually chopped into little bits, and meat usually doesn't even taste like meat at all. Perfect example: the Salisbury steak, one of the Old Standbys of the frozen dinner world. Salisbury steak may have earned respect for its longevity, but discerning palates deserve better. Though far from acceptable, chicken does have the leg up on beef when it comes to quality. This is why I suggest that if you are planning on buying something with a little bit of meat, go with chicken. Beef should be reserved only in the most dire situations when you must have your hunger for cow satiated.

4. Stay Away From Potatoes
Have you ever tried reheating old french fries? That little experiment never ends well. When buying frozen dinners you should keep this in mind, because that is essentially what you are trying to do if you buy a frozen dinner that has some sort of potato item included. Its hard for me to make this a rule since I am such a fan of potatoes; they are a versatile side dish that go well with most meals. However, they just don't reheat very well, and at best you are left with something that is "edible."

5. Dessert Should Not Be Frozen
Banquet is infamous for including certain desserts with their meals. The inclusion of a small brownie in their fried chicken dinner makes the dish as a whole more appetizing, but just like potatoes, cake-y dessert items like brownies and cupcakes should not be frozen and then reheated. What you are expecting is a warm, soft brownie, but instead what you inevitably get is a mouthful of dry chocolate flavored sponge. Not sponge cake. Sponge. So avoid the desserts whenever possible, since it raises the price point of the meals and ultimately gets tossed into the garbage.
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Consider those five rules, and the next time you are out looking for a good frozen dinner, hopefully you'll pick something that won't disappoint. There is one more rule that I left off, but it is no less important: if you can get something besides a frozen dinner, by all means, do. Frozen dinners are good only for their price and for their reliability as a time-saver. If you have the money to afford real food and the time to cook it, why buy a frozen dinner and cheat yourself out of the real thing?